integrity | [IC CONTACT FOR ADSTRINGENDUM.]

You went anonymous in one of my posts once. Can you teach me how to do that? Someone told me once that you need to put a separate program on the PCD or something like that.

[Well then.]

You can't get something for nothing, you know.

[Crowley isn't a charity giver.]

Okay. What do you want in exchange?

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[audio] DW no why

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[audio] sodgjhdgd

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[audio --> action?]

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[action] <3!

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So, you're partly human. That's why you've been so pissy, right?

[He can't even start this conversation playing nice, okay? He's still bitter about the Sarah thing. But this is something they have to talk about, sooner or later. And what better time than now, after the event?

One of the trials is curing a demon, isn't it? And you were our number one target.

[He's silent for a long moment upon hearing this message, already seething and furious at his privacy being violated so thoroughly -- but he has to answer. He must.

If anything, just to save what little face he still has.]

Here to rub it in, are you?

[Tartly.]

I wouldn't be so hasty to cast stones.

[Partly human.

Shouldn't Crowley be fully human if Sam did his job.]

[Sam suppresses every urge to either sigh at the energy he's gonna need for this next few minutes or pretend he was totally pleased with the turn of events; truth was, as happy as he'd like to be with Crowley's obvious discomfort, it meant nothing if the trials nosedived and they failed.]

As much as I'd love to rub it in, I think that's more Dean's deal.

Me? I just want to know what the hell happened to even fuck things up that bad.

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gOLd i hate you

[ ... Crowley is not drunk enough for this.]

I hate him too. Look, we have so much in common.

Are you drunk?

is this who si this

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My entire race is a school play full of crying, vomiting children. I find myself reconsidering defecting to the Hindus.

I have it worse.

May I be perfectly honest with you?

I welcome it.

[text] monday the 2nd

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[A bottle of scotch on your doorstep. It actually represents four seconds of total effort (guess how easy it is for a Biblical creature to turn water into alcohol?) but let it never be said that wives cannot give presents. Or that wives don't recognize an alliance worth nurturing when they see one.]

[Oh, he knew there was a reason he kept her around.

About half an hour later, a text.]

Thank you.

[Crowley never says thank you for a single goddamn thing in his life.

He must be in a good mood.]

If only Ripley were here to record this day. Or Nostradamus, to interpret it.

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Hello? May I have reached the PCD of the person named Abaddon?

[ -- this has to be the fault of the Winchesters.]

Maybe.

[Maybe this person has information. It's not his fault they're too stupid to check who they're messaging.]

Why?

[video] chill, Crowley, it's just Death from another universe xD

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[video] he has an awful track record with Death not liking him.

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[video] aww xD

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when the hunt is over i'm going to show you a thing or two about fucking with a Winchester

you and i both know that the scales have tipped in my favor

[He doesn't care what Sam held over his head in the past. It doesn't matter to him now if Sam wants to go all self-sacrificial in the name of keeping Dean from taking action. Which means it's open season, as far as he's concerned.

And while Dean doesn't feel anger at the fact that Crowley shot him in the head and ruined his scavenging of Sam's body parts, he doesn't like being screwed with all the same.]

[And here it is, that annoying reminder that being a decent person is always a bad idea.]

Someone sounds a little put out at their torture session ending early.

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I think Sam accidentally broke my ribs during CPR. Can you assist me in taping them?

[Because he's really not good at it and it's hard to do for yourself anyway.]

[Crowley may be drunk.

He may, in fact, be experimenting with several medications in order to bring about a surge of memory, and he may be self-medication with alcohol to cure the disgusting taste.

He may also be speaking in that annoying growled purr that he always seems to manage even in the most dire of circumstances, amused.]

Are you asking me to take off your shirt?

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[About an hour after they part way, Castiel sends Crowley a quick text message.]

Lucifer is looking for Naomi.

[what]

Why.

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[Can you punch a sick person?

You can definitely punch a sick person.

Right in their King of Hell beer gut.]

[There's an odd 'oof' noise as Crowley immediately lurches himself upright in order to protect himself from whatever is attacking him -- and then he promptly doubles over with a wheeze, gasping out a furious:]

What was that for?!